My final blog this term is a reflection on Christmas. With so much going on around this period it can be a challenge to stay present; the feeling of overwhelm can be very close to the surface. For starters, there is Christmas itself – often a reuniting, memory-filled event and the hectic build-up to it. For many of us, our Christmases can contain a bittersweet remembrance and sense of loss for those who are not with us.
These days Christmas can feel like a massive consumer event, with little true meaning. Can we imbue it with meaning and significance, amidst the swirling waves of excitement and the buying and giving of items that may be unnecessary? Can we save it from the hijacking that seems to occur? What is a Buddhist Christmas?
For many years, I spent Christmas or New Year, one or the other, on retreat. I was really happy to hibernate and contemplate. In that less pressing space I was able to take stock of the year that had been and to catch up with myself in order to meet the New Year well and with an idea of my bigger life plan. Earlier on in this phase of my life, I went to Gaia House and took refuge in the silence. I have to admit I also took a little store of presents and chocolate for my own personal rituals! I spent a great deal of time asleep, exhausted by both my teaching job and the winter. I came out renewed and refreshed. Even on a silent group retreat there was a super sense of community, meditating into the night on either Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve. I found a deeply satisfying return to myself in the dark time of year. I felt connected to the winter solstice, in which the seeds of the year are already held in potential, but still sleeping. I returned to a pagan noticing of my place amongst the short days and superlative sunsets.
Things are rather different with a child! For one, there is the desire to make her Christmas happy and memorable. I am also connecting with, and even creating, the customs and rituals of our family. It is worth reflecting on the rituals of Christmas in a conscious way and checking that they are in line with my ethical values. Although I am not a Christian, I still love the feeling I get singing Christmas carols and watching children’s Nativity plays.
In the family context, what might a Buddhist Christmas look like? Buddhism focuses on ending suffering. All strands of Buddhism have the Four Noble Truths (the cause of all suffering that the Buddha discovered) and the Eightfold Path (the way out of that suffering, the Middle Way) in common. One thing I feel I can do as an antidote to my continuing preoccupation with myself and ignorance around being interdependent is to give thoughtful gifts. I talked about this in a previous Head’s Up and noted that the inclination in the mind of the giver is important. Also, that the gift does not have to be material, it can be a gift of time or service. I am hoping as I get older to spend a Christmas with Crisis, the organisation that works with homeless people and feeds them a Christmas lunch.
It is also important to care for yourself during this potentially stressful time. So much stress comes from the idea that everyone should be happy and get on well. But things are as they are: children can get hyper and temperamental and old family patterns can resurface. Allowing ourselves to experience any feelings of disappointment and frustrations when they arise, can help us find a more creative response.
The whole of the festive period is really about caring – and gratitude. It feels really apt to orient my mind towards the practice of loving kindness and find time to do this regularly over the Christmas break. During this time, I like to remind myself to enjoy things in moderation. Laughingly, I say that is the ‘Middle Way’! This is not quite correct because although the middle way avoids extremes of conduct and views; on the one hand, sensual indulgence and on the other, self-mortification, it really means to provide the body with what it needs to be in a strong and healthy condition yet at the same time to rise above bodily concerns in order to train the mind in right conduct, concentration and wisdom. In fact, the middle way is essentially a way of mind training, not a compromise with the attitude of renunciation (thanks to Bhikkhu Bodhi for this formulation). This is a continuing exploration for me as a lay person, deeply in love with the path.
I have really enjoyed meeting you all during my first term here at the school. Thank you for welcoming me into the school community and for the support and generosity you have shown. I look forward to resting up over the break and meeting the New Year with renewed energy. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and may you find time for peace and contemplation as well as celebration.
- Clare